He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize