he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
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I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
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I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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