There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
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All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
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The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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