when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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