Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize