Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
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I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
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Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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