I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
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My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
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and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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