Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize