I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
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The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
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I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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