I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize