I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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