She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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