Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
