Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize