No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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