Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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