Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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