After last night, I could never be a politician.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
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you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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