I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize