I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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