My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
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when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
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Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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