Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
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I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
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I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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