I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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