I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The power of my boobs compel you
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