After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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