Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He kissed a someone with a penis
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
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we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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