My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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