Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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