i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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