Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize