Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize