I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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