My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize