he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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