flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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