im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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