So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize