just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize