What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize