dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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