Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
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Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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