2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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