Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize