I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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