Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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