Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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