I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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