My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
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Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm too high and old for this...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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