Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
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Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize