I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
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And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
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she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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