while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize